ArtOfZoo - RocknRolla

 

“A rolling stone gathers no moss…”
Publilius Syrus

“Hello Terence. Glass of milk, straight up…”
Moss

Joan Jett said she loved rock n roll. Schooly-D Sensei, on the other hand, don’t like rock n roll one bit. It’s a minefield.

How about you? As a Petfan – are you RocknRoll? We shall see 🙂

Firstly, what is this rock and roll?

Well. Rock, I assume is the we will we will rock you method of bringing people together. Folx rocking back and forth in unity. Can’t fault that. Who don’t like being part of something? The bigger the rocker, the greater the rocking. Paradoxically tho, the rock is an euphemism for stability. Solidity. The Mountain. Something you can count on. But thanks to the peculiarities of the language, rock also means that which vacillates. To and fro. Rocking chair, rocking horse etc. You rock a baby to sleep, don’t you? Not with a rock, hopefully. I guess in some places they still do. In the 21st Century. Strange kind of stuff, this rock.

Some rocks are more valuable than others. Ask DeBeers. It’s all a nonsense of course it’s still just a rock.

Another rock, was the Marshall Islands. A tropical paradise full of happy people living amidst the abundance that Nature naturally provides. Well. People happy? We’ll soon put a stop to that eh. And those poor Marshal Islanders got nuked, friendly like. Friendly nuking. Just to show they could take one for the team. All that happiness indeed. We need to know what the effects of radiation poisoning are on your children. Be happy about that instead. Every other movie about Nazis but ne’er a mention about the Marshall genocide (or others). Never mind the cancer and the genocide and the ‘it’s fine we’ll look after you‘ – despite the islanders not even being repaid some of those important millions to perhaps restore their once paradise. Ways to remove the poisons, or something. Not so much as a sanitation budget or a few bucks for a school bus.

And it wasn’t the first or last time they experimented on us people coz The Man experimented on his own people too. So did the other Man. Because of course, what does the little guy matter? Fuck the little guy eh, The Man is way, way more important than the little guy. As Charlie Darwin chuckled ‘survival of the shittest‘; forgetting of course, that Charlie was a man of God, and by their scientific reckoning, clearly insane. And he was pretty out there with his theories. Did he tell you his theory about babies being born by men spunking tiny people into women’s tummies? He had that shit all worked out clearly. Yes nothing at all suspect about the foundation and quality of those theories eh Dick. His best seller The Organ of Suspicious, was dreamt up on another rock, the Gallapagos. So much rock so little time.

So then back to rocknroll. On the surface, rocknroll would be that which does it’s own thing. Rolls with the punches and does it anyway. That which goes against the grain and fuck it.

The Joker, in the seminal Todd Phillips origin story, ironically adopts Gary Glitter’s Rock& Roll Part 2 as his anthem, as he descends the iconic stairs to deal with the str8s on their lowest-common-demoninator level. In a language they could understand. Meanwhile outside, those Gaianauts who ‘Werewolf and go Wild‘ are stirring up a buffet of just-deserts. Something to look forward to in future. And yes, the masks were and are genius. Thanks Todd 😉

The term Rock & Roll is a rebranding of the stolen Afro-American music genre The Blues. It’s said that you have to have your heart broken minimum 3 times, before you can begin to play The Blues. Unlessing you go down to those Crossroads. The Blues, is an extraordinary musical happening in a most unusual place. It encapsulates hardships at the hands of The Man. Slavery, oppression. Losing your lover. Sticking it to The Man. Unlike Portuguese Fado, The Blues endeavours to spin gold out of straw. It’s quite Zen in that respect – lemons, lemonade etc.

But yeah, this musical genre was way too relatable and bankable to ignore. But we didn’t want to be putting any filthy niggers on the nice clean The Man run TV now would we, however superior their popular musical prowess, when there’s the likes of a fat sweaty mildly rapey Conway Twitty to be entertaining folks with. The corn dog KKK crackers would be up in arms. The answer, as always, is simple. See what you want, eat it up, and shit it out. Like the Marshall Islands. Take The Blues, repackage it in white bread, to hell with the consequences, and give it a name. Rock n Roll. Then all’s we need is some good old boys who could pull it off, and we are in the money.

Yeah I said niggers. And I have the paperwork to back up my Afrocentric ancestry so don’t even go there 😉

Step 1 – The King. Mr Presley may have had a dusting of Pimp swagger at one point – but The Blues (sorry Rock n Roll) done right needs mileage. Mr. Presley was a military gent. Cannon fodder then, sort of relatable to those still alive after military service, who managed to find a job and pay for vinyl. He had hair, good start. He couldn’t dance for fuck, but what Forrest Gump gyrations were within his grasp, aimed to excite those Ladies. And gents. He didn’t quite know what was happening, but it felt good so kept at it. Having built his world on another man’s music, and with the full force of grease-loving folx everywhere behind him, was quoted as saying ‘Them niggers are not worthy to shine my shoes‘. Look it up. By way of paying your dues to who put you where you were. And when time wasn’t on his side, fat old and mildly retarded but still The King – minced off to Las Vegas, dressed up as Evel Knievel in drag such that Liberace thought he maybe went too far, and proceeded to demonstrate basic Karate moves on stage badly – fat, sweating, not at all ridiculous. And died, on drugs, attempting to shit out the 16 cheeseburgers he’d downed earlier. All the while, his balls firmly in the grip of The Man. All record sales via The Man. All airplay via The Man. And who said romance was dead? If this is King of your Rock n Roll, I’d be intrigued to see the court jester. That guy gotta be something. U-uh-huh.

That’s the King, but there’s other examples of Rocknroll being basically an exercise in containment of derision toward The Man. How Rocknroll can you be, when the very things you rebel against, are exactly the things putting food on your table, and everything you aspire to? Getting picked up by The Man, manhandled by The Man, and clocking those dollars to build yer a Pimped out Graceland of your own? Coz what’s a little thing like integrity worth, when u wants to get paid?

Another example, Mr Bob Dylan. Here’s a broke guy with some lyrical talent. There’s an opening, in the 60’s, for a voice of the common man. Mr Freewheeling Zimmy, told us the times they are a changing. And about those Masters of War. Yeah Zim, u fight that power mayne. ‘Course, having read his biography, it becomes quickly apparent that the aim here was not to be voice of the people – but instead, to appear to be voice of the people with a view to cash money. Coz the minute his people came looking for answers, he’s calling the cops whining about being harassed. He wants his space man. Soon as he’s rubbing shoulders with The Man, fuck the people. And actually, those songs, that those people talked about, shared, made him a wealthy Legend with – if they want those they’ll have to pay for them. What is this, a charity? Which is why, should you go searching for any decent version of any decent Dylan track on Youtube, you will often be searching in vain. Because Zimmy ain’t no idiot, babe – he wants his dollar dollar bill y’all. The times ain’t changed one fucken iota. Have they Zim. Man Gave Names to All the Animals in the beginning? You don’t say. What’s next Bob, finding out who’s stealing your underpants?

How are we feeling about that Rocknroll so far?

Here’s another example of some real rockers. Rocknroll Legends, The Rolling Stones. Wow those boys really aimed to repackage a load of 60’s Garage Punk and make their mark on the world. Keith ‘loads of drugs’ Richards, and Mick ‘hips and lips’ Jagger. These have to be real rocknroll right? Fight the Power, power to the people, all that. Well – the Stones ‘Sympathy for the Devil‘ quickly became an entirely vapid ‘Dancing in the Street‘. And when The Stones made fat stacks stealing an entire song from The Staple Singers Gospel choir and didn’t pay them a single penny in royalties, or even so much as a credit – they then went on to sue The Verve for 100% of all income for their track Bittersweet Symphony, due to a small sample from a cover of their track…

 

So, mutual vigorous circle-jerking with The Man by The Stones in no way makes them look like a bunch of sell-out breadhead greedy old wankers does it. Is this your rocknroll? I’m not sold thus far. Let’s continue…

“I’m Rock n Roll, stop drop and roll…”
Yellow Wolf

 

John Lennon said ‘Love is All You Need‘. They took us on a Magical Mystery Tour in the Yellow Submarine, and everything. Generations of people shaped by their apparent insight into the nature of things Within and Without. Drugs, mysticism and free love baby. That was, until later when John Died. At which point the ‘Lennon and McCartney’ partnership, had to be renamed ‘McCartney and Lennon’. Because Paul being a saggy old minted yet manifestly insecure scouse twat, didn’t feel comfortable not being first in the company’s name. And – like Zimmy, try pulling up many decent versions of Beatles tracks on Youtube. Those boys lawyers are hard at work, wrestling every penny possible out of the fans because, well, rocknroll man. If you are going to sing about love being all you need, and ‘I don’t care too much for money‘, you’d look less like a cunt if you didn’t give the impression that money was all you needed. Eh Rockers.

Of course it cuts both ways. Having had The Blues stolen, then rap stolen with Ice Ice Baby evolving into rhinoplasty ‘Rap God’ Mr M&M – militant Black prophets of rage Public Enemy told us quite clearly, and quite profoundly, to Fight the Power. And how the Black brothers and sisters should respect each other and not aspire to being The Man by not ‘being a brother that only wants blue eyes and blonde hair’ in Pollywannacracka, or to fall victim to the News on TV in Channel Zero. Several albums later, we have Flavor Flav sitting in a hot tub making doe eyes at blue eyed blonde haired Brigitte Nielsen on mainstream reality TV. And Chuck D hooking up with Caucasian rockers Anthrax to ‘Bring the Noise‘. Love u PE but fuck me, Malcolm would be pulling windmills in his grave. But at least your joints are available on Youtube, so some points for that.

Kings of Rock Run DMC couldn’t Uncle Tom that shit quick enough, when inviting us to Walk This Way, with Aerosmith. No thanks, you carry on m8. Then became a vicar, with a gold staircase showcased in MTV Cribs. Very street. Very Rocknroll.

So yeah, we can be sure that rocknroll is as colorblind as it is ethnicist. I’m wondering if this Rocknroll is actually all quite there in the head.

I could go on. And on and on. Ultimately, how fucken rocknroll do you expect to be when rocknroll is The Man’s game? He’ll suck you in, suck you off, get you dancing to his tune, suck you dry, then make absolutely sure you completely lose sight of any thoughts about disobedience you may have, by making you sell out quicker than toilet paper at a corona panic-buying session at Walmart. There’s your rocknroll mate.

So, after we shot The Record, and when Italian Rolling Stone magazine contacted me and Stray wanting to interview us on a piece they were doing, about ‘Porn being the new RocknRoll’, I said we were busy. We’re not the new RockNRoll M8. We didn’t sell out. We don’t pander to The Man. We’re as real as the day we started. If there truly was a RocknRoll, we would be it. And everything all those other saggy penny-pinching limp dick chintz-curtains sell out wannabees wished they were. Stick that in your pipe and take a looong old pull.

They say it’s the message not the messenger. I can dig that. And not all Rockers sell out. Zappa, Captain Beefheart, Hawkwind. Kool Keith. Insane Clown Posse put Rock Karen Sharon Osborne in her place. Jack Black might like backrubs from The Man but at least Master Exploder. And massively yet intentionally underrated weirdo rappers Dirty Dockerz drugs intake make the Happy Mondays look like the Happy Days Gang.

So it’s not all bad. All of the above rockers, I have all their music. Bought most of it. But man fuck me. A lot of the time it’s plain embarrassing.

The principle of Rocknroll is sound. Power to the People and Fuck The Man. But if you are intending to rock, do please ensure you are a real Rocknrolla. Because there’s drum rolls, egg rolls, rolling stones, Tootsie rolls and roll your own. Quality of rolls may vary, as serving suggestions may vary from the shit you actually get.

So. You Pet People remember. Whilst against the grain you remain, you aren’t RocknRoll. You are what RocknRoll wishes it had the balls to be. What could be more RocknRoll than that?

 

“What’s cooler than cool? Ice cold…”
Andre 3000

“What’s cooler than Ice cold? We are.”
Adam

 

And don’t you forget it 😉

Published in Bits & Pieces
4 Comments
  1. Author
    Adam 1 week ago

    In the past couple years Mr. Dylan has put out a few decent tracks for free on Youtube. Just in time 😉

  2. ILZ 2 weeks ago

    The Diamond Cartel is a very interesting vid which i haven’t seen before. These days it seems the whole world has gone hypocritical and meanings of words, once well defined words lose the actual meaning and with the value those words once had and still have for us that can see through all the BS.

    The more important that we stay true to our friends the world around us and especially ourselfes.

  3. Beastyman069 2 weeks ago

    Very interesting to say the least.

    • Author
      Adam 2 weeks ago

      Interestingly, the rocknroll Spitting Image guys didn’t like that we used their Gaia track to taunt The Man. I sent their production company a comical email pointing out the error of their ways, but they did not reply. What can you do? 🙂

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